I’ve never been what you’d call a decisive person.

When I was younger, standing at one of life’s many crossroads (which lunchbox to buy, which subject to pick, whether to straighten my hair), my parents — ever the analysts — would say, “Make a list of pros and cons.”

So, out came the lined paper. I’d draw a neat line down the center: PROS on the left, CONS on the right. Then I’d brainstorm until my twelve-year-old brain was fried, mapping out every possible outcome like a junior economist running a cost-benefit analysis.

(My mother, by the way, took this to another level — she made actual spreadsheets with weighted categories. Her brain could be a whole separate article.)

That exercise had its merits, but it was also purely mental — all logic, no feeling. It trained me early to trust my head more than my heart. Useful, yes. Complete? Not so much. Logic might tell you what makes sense, but it can’t tell you what feels true.

Many a wise person has said, “Your next step is always within reach.”
I like to picture that as an octopus — arms stretching in every direction, always exploring.

But my mind used to get tangled up asking, “Which direction is the right one? The best one?” Cue the never-ending pros and cons list.

Here’s what I’ve learned: “Right” and “best” are just code words for “I’m afraid to get it wrong.” They box life into “good” vs. “bad,” “success” vs. “failure” — and miss the nuance where growth actually happens.

These days, I ask different questions:

• Instead of “What should I do?” I ask, “What might I learn?”

• Instead of “Which is smarter?” I ask, “Which will be more fun?”

• Instead of “What’s safest?” I ask, “What could this open up?”

This kind of questioning doesn’t make decisions harder; it makes them richer. It connects me to how I want to feel, not just what I want to achieve.

And honestly, that shift spills over into everything — even food. When we label foods as “good” or “bad,” we put ourselves in that same binary trap. What if instead we asked:

• “How will I feel in two hours?”

• “Does this choice serve my health goals — or my emotions?”

That’s how decision-making becomes a growth practice instead of a guilt trip.

Try This: The Experiment

Next time you’re making a conscious decision (we make hundreds subconsciously every day), ditch the pros and cons list and try these open-ended prompts instead:

• What could this lead to?

• How will this make me feel — in the short term and long term?

• What might I learn from this?

• Who might I meet or connect with because of it?

When growth is the lens you’re looking through, your next best step is almost always right in front of you — waiting for you to feel it.